Friday, July 31, 2009

Freak-out mode

As of this morning, I am officially in freak-out mode.

I've been spotting for 2 nights in a row, have lower backpain, and just an overal pre-mentrual feeling. And I'm FREAKING OUT!!

The first night I thought: oh shit. I'm getting my period. And then I realised I am 5 weeks pregnant. Whatever's coming, it's NOT a period. And then I cried.

The second night I tried to convince myself it might just be some delayed implantation spotting or something. And then I cried again.

And then this morning, it hadn't stopped. Unlike yesterday. I don't know what to feel anymore. I'm afraid to even think the "M" word. Maybe if I just call it a delayed period, it won't suck as much? Oh hell, who am I kidding?!? I SAW the double lines. I KNOW what's in there. And I don't want to lose it!!!

So to prevent myself from losing my mind entirely, I have decided to go into complete denial. Hence the white pants I'm wearing right now. That's right. WHITE. I am NOT going to lose this baby. I'm NOT, you hear?!?

If I yell and scream that loud enough, over and over again, do you think I will start believing it? Please say I will. And please say any greater power out there will hear, and help out...

I am NOT going to lose this baby! I'm NOT!!

Am I...?


  1. I'm sorry. I hope it stops and everything turns out ok.

  2. I'm so sorry. It could turn out ok, it really could, but I know what that sounds like in your head and you're might not.

    I hope it turns out right for you.

  3. How are you doing, Mijke? Thinking of you.

  4. Ugh. I am sorry for the spotting. Has it stopped? There is nothing as scary as bleeding when you know there shouldn't be anything there. Sending love and hugs. Update when you can.

    (I see nothing wrong with denial, either. I have been there often over the last few weeks!)

  5. Thinking of you today. Just wanted to say we went to Harry Potter yesterday, too!